Thief, Swindler, Weasel, Rat, Grass, Drug Dealer, VICTIM!

Maybe we start right at the beginning, after all its a very good place to start! Or maybe head over to the site dedicated to your new best friend johnkirton.uk, the guy that you called scum, I think some of the quotes used were "I wouldn't let that scum anywhere near my family." I think the same was said about Flynn and Dan, also, Ian Cowan, Dave Coleman, Newby was another, that were not worthy, that was called names, belittled, it a strange twist of fate that these are the people who you are now left with. Your worse than Laura and Claire. Wanna be in my gang?

• Prostitutes / I Suppose this started on your stag weekend in Prague. You really did fill your boots that weekend. Maybe it was then that you developed your taste for them? Any time your away from your wife you seem to indulge, Germany, Amsterdam, Slovenia. Details to follow.
• Drug Dealing / Is this where you learned how to lie and cheat? Skills you have used throughout your life. Using people around you to make the money you crave.
• Affairs / There are numerous examples, where to start? Rachel Andrews? Louise Harris? Maybe the long term Justine Broddley? How many years has that one gone on now? Ever seen the girl from DN32 beer Garden again? I know you were texting after the time you took her back to the house in Immingham and I had to wait in her front room with Stacey Fenwick while you had sex with her. To be fair I didnt even have time to finish my cup of tea.

There's a huge list of misdemeanors over the years, sick little secrets hidden away. Of course you can lie and cover them up as you have done all your life.

• Claire Grey @ the Beachcomber / This is the time you put your hand up her skirt while you were stood next to your wife, and me. Details of this to follow
• Jo Cowan / Maybe when you cuddle up to Iain Cowan next you can reminice about the time you pinned his wife down in the garage trying to kiss her while lying on top of her. I believe you pulled your infamous 'licking of the face' move on her. I'm not sure she ever told him?
• Sarah @ Festival no6 / So while your supposed best mate is making sure your pregnant wife gets back to camper van which you have been kindly loaned, your off trying it on with his then girlfriend. This is just one instance of several.
• Sarah after BetterDays / Not really understanding the previous knockback from a few months before, you try it on again at your supposed best mates house while he is out. This time the tactic used is to slag your supposed best mate off to her.
• False PRN Notes / This one is a biggy, for years the Environment Agency was scammed for thousands upon thousands of pounds. Fake weighbridge tickets were created to claim PRN's. A simple scam which made a lot of money?